


Starving Eyes

by twisted_dendrites



Category: Naruto
Genre: (sort of), Background Relationships, Established Relationship, Frustration with society, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Sai/Ino, Secret Relationship, Shikamaru/Temari - Freeform, Team Gai - Freeform, Team Kurenai - Freeform, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisted_dendrites/pseuds/twisted_dendrites
Summary: Everyone is having a great time at Shikamaru and Temari's wedding reception, except for Naruto. The international backlash that would come about if he were publicly seen together with Gaara is what keeps him on the opposite side of the room, looking in the opposite direction. Even with that knowledge, that doesn't stop the ravenous craving in his heart for a certain red-headed Kazekage.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 102





	Starving Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said my next fic was gonna be Karin/Sakura, but it turned out to be longer than I anticipated, and then when I was like 80% done, my brain gave me this idea and I had to stop everything and write it. Plot bunnies abound, and Gaara/Naruto continues to grip my soul.

The third time Temari came out, her dress changed from a colorful heavy kimono to a flowing white puffy thing resembling a cake. Naruto was sitting alone at a round table, now cleared of any evidence from dinner, and adjacent to the dance floor where he observed many of his friends and fellow shinobi trying to adapt their years of training in taijutsu into something that resembled dancing.

By all accounts, he would have thought that he’d be out there too, laughing, jumping around, making a fool of himself, and generally celebrating the marriage of his friends. And he had danced, for a little bit, before the unexpected heaviness in his chest had tugged him over to the bar.

Alcohol, he learned, had no meaningful effect on his Kyuubi-driven metabolism.

He stood around near the bar, tracing his finger over the rim of a crystal clear cup. The glass held half-melted ice stinking of the sharp smell that reminded him so much of Jiraiya, and to a lesser extent, Tsunade-baachan. One after another, party guests came to get their drinks filled or refilled, most of whom he knew or at least recognized. All of them knew him, and all of them commented on his unusual reservedness.

He waved them off with a flimsy smile and an even flimsier wobble of his wrist. He had moved from the bar to the landmark sized table after hearing overly loud whispers of “broken heart” and several names of shinobi that Naruto had only ever had those kinds of feelings for within the rumors that floated through every jounin stand-by station. Though the ache in his chest was undeniable, it was for an entirely different reason than any of the assumptions made about him.

His heart was swollen at the seams, and it took every ounce of strength he had not to stare at the red-headed man seated towards the front of the room, at the table where the bride and groom glowed as they spoke with their invitees. Gaara, of course, was attending the ceremony as both the brother of the bride and as the Kazekage. He’d attended the private Shinzen wedding ceremony at the shrine earlier, which had been closed except to family (which included Ino and Chouji for Shikamaru). From the moment he stepped into the wedding reception, two countries worth of attention had turned to him.

Naruto could only imagine the uproar it would cause if the Kazekage himself were to wed.

(In fact, Naruto’s lack of exuberance was partially due to that imagination. This was only the Kazekage’s sister’s wedding, and Gaara still had to be on his toes the entire time. The level of scrutiny at his own wedding...and if he were to marry another Kage, or future Kage, that was another can of worms entirely…)

Gone were the days where Naruto would always jump to say the first thing that came to his mind. Now, he waited a breath before doing so. It gave him about half a second to decide whether the consequences of speaking whatever first popped into his head were worth it. It had taken three and a half painful years of night classes with Iruka to learn this kind of restraint. Though it hadn’t been directly part of his lessons, he’d passed the chuunin exams (finally) with a newly budded skill of tact. There was still no chance he would ever look before he leaped during a fight (react first think later was just instinct), but there was now a possibility he might hold his tongue. Even the most honest Hokage would have to know when to withhold information.

That small shred of deference was what was keeping him from loitering by Gaara’s side like a stray cat waiting to be pet. Even something as small as that could ruin the entire wedding for Temari and Shikamaru. If an official observation were to be made, the other three villages would go into panic mode immediately. _The Kazekage and the (future) Hokage? Together? Surely some kind of plot to wrest control of the shinobi world…_

It gave him a dull pain in the back of his eyes just to think about it. So he sat by himself, elbows on the table with his cheek resting in one of his hands, and tried to avoid looking in the direction of the of the newlyweds. He wished they’d get on with it and cut the cake already. Everyone knew it was perfectly acceptable to leave after cake.

He wondered when Gaara might be able to leave. Naruto knew the Kazekage was out of his element. He hated large disorganized crowds of people, he hated loud music, shouting, and yelling. Essentially, he was uncomfortable any time his surroundings disrupted his senses. Despite having a personal guard of Sand ANBU, Gaara was ever-vigilant, always watching his own back. This time, Naruto couldn’t even be close enough to him to reassure him that they could look out for one another.

Lost in moping, he jumped out of his seat when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

The kunoichi who had done the tapping did not seem overly surprised by his reaction. In fact, she giggled at whatever funny face he’d been startled into making.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to catch you off guard,” she apologized, straining her voice to be heard over the thunderous booming of music.

Naruto swiped a hand over his warm face, rearranging it into an easygoing smile. He rolled his shoulders back, assuming a confident stance.

“No problem,” he shouted back. “What’s up?”

Naruto was familiar with Matsuri, as she was one of Gaara’s friends. She knew about their relationship, and she could probably connect the dots when she saw him on his own. His mood lightened a bit in appreciation of her concern.

She hesitated, mumbling some “uhs” and “ums” that he couldn’t hear over the music. Finally, she rose her voice enough to clearly say, “Do you want to dance?”

Naruto grinned. “You better believe it! Lead the way.”

He followed her out onto the dance floor, let the music roll through his body. He was no expert at dancing (come to think of it, he couldn’t remember a time he’d danced outside of his bedroom in Konoha), but Matsuri didn’t seem to mind. They tapped their way through the beat of three fast songs before a slow song interrupted, and a woman who vaguely looked familiar (possibly one of Sakura’s doctor-y friends...Amai? Ameno?) cut in.

“Would you mind if I borrowed Matsuri for this dance?” the woman asked.

Naruto looked to Matsuri and saw the telltale stars in her eyes.

“Sure, go ahead!”

He stepped out of their way, then slowly made his way back to the edge of the dance floor.

Sai and Ino were (of course) twirling around together like the nauseatingly cute couple they were. Lee and Tenten were...next to each other, although Lee didn’t seem to have gotten the memo that the music had changed from fast to slow. Naruto couldn’t work out if the two shinobi from Team Gai were _together_ together or just together, but he figured it was probably best not to interrupt Lee’s wild gyrating. Sakura was nowhere to be found, which was strange, because Naruto was pretty sure he’d seen her a minute ago with her date (maybe she was in the bathroom, women did that a lot, didn’t they?). Then, at a safe distance from Team Gai was Team Kurenai, all holding hands in a circle and swaying with equanimity.

Not quite ready to return to the empty table, Naruto decided to join the team of three.

“Hey, you got room for one more?”

Hinata let go of Kiba’s hand and took a step back so Naruto could join the circle. After linking hands with Kiba and Hinata, the group resumed its gentle rocking.

“Welcome to the lonely hearts club, man,” Kiba greeted.

“Why is it the lonely hearts club? Because none of us have dates,” Shino added, in case clarification was needed.

Hinata said nothing, just smiled.

Naruto was glad to have Hinata as a friend. A few months ago they’d had a really awkward conversation (after Sakura had hounded him for weeks and weeks and weeks). Apparently Hinata had been harboring this secret crush on him for years? And after Sakura realized that Gaara wasn’t just having a temporary lapse in judgment for choosing Naruto as a partner, she had told him all about it. And then pestered him nonstop to let Hinata down gently.

Well...Naruto wasn’t sure he’d done such a great job at that, but he supposed he hadn’t made too much of a mess of things either. After all, Hinata had understood and was happy for him. Ever since then, she hadn’t treated him any differently, which in Naruto’s eyes was indicative of how much she really cared. He hoped some day she would find someone who would love her just as much as she loved them.

Kiba ripped him out of his oddly sentimental thoughts by announcing that slices of cake were being served.

Naruto had never felt so excited over food that wasn’t ramen.

They returned to the table to get their cake. Sakura was back, looking slightly disheveled. Beside her, Karin had the most shit-eating grin on her face that might have even rivaled one of Sasuke’s smirks in levels of smugness. Naruto...didn’t need to know.

As Team Gai, Ino, and Sai joined the table, the music began to wind down. By the time everyone was mostly finished with their cake and just chatting idly, it seemed like fast songs were not going to be making a return.

Lee was undeterred. “This is the springtime of our youth! We should not waste one single moment of this passionate celebration for the union of our friends and fellow shinobi!”

He dragged a reluctant Tenten back onto the dance floor to continue dancing to the beat of his own drum which very obviously did not match up with the rhythm of the actual music being played.

Kiba stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “Ah, I better get going. Don’t wanna be apart from Akamaru for so long...”

This was the moment Naruto had been waiting for! His chance to escape!

“Ah, you know, I should be leaving too...”

“Already?” Hinata asked. She looked away and blushed as Naruto caught her stare. “I, um, I just thought you might wait for…”

She drew her gaze up, in the direction Naruto had been avoiding all night, and though he knew he shouldn’t, he was unable to stop his eyes from wandering the same path.

Gaara was standing by the head table, engaged in a conversation with some Nara clan members that Naruto was unfamiliar with. The long dark lines of his suit emphasized his meticulously straight posture and affording him a sense of authority that befitted the Kazekage. His hair was slicked down and gleamed with every minute tilt of his head. When one of the elder Nara said something particularly amusing, Gaaa’s green eyes creased as he smiled—his bright white teeth sinking straight into Naruto’s heart.

Naruto turned back to Hinata.

“Well, you know, it’s actually better if I...because of all this....” He gestured vaguely around himself.

Hinata gave him a sympathetic look. “Oh. I see. Well, h-have a good night, Naruto-kun.”

“Thanks, Hinata. Look after Shino, okay?”

He heard Shino make some kind of protest, but he was already making his way to say goodbye to Sakura (if he didn’t, she would probably rip his head off later). Once that was out of the way, he found himself flickering outside the venue and staring along the darkened and nearly deserted sandy road.

He took a few steps before realizing that he would only be returning to an empty home, since Gaara was still at the party. The thought almost made him regret leaving, but not enough to want to go back. Instead he leaped to the balcony of one of the surrounding municipal buildings and leaned against the cold metal railing.

There were plenty of stars to keep him company, even if they were less bright here than in Konoha. Naruto hadn’t realized that on his own, Gaara had pointed it out, because Suna tended to keep the lights on a little longer at night while Konoha went to bed early. Something about desert-dwelling people preferring to do their shopping out of the blazing reaches of the sun. Something else about light pollution making the glow in the sky seem less bright by comparison. Naruto probably never would have noticed.

Naruto let his head hang, and the coveted night wind swept along the nape of his neck, giving him a chill. He didn’t quite understand how he could miss someone who was only a stone’s throw away. When they were separated by deserts and rivers and forests, it made sense, but to be in the same room...

It had been years since he’d felt lonely despite being surrounded by others, and the parallel between his current state with some of his more unpleasant memories from childhood made his jaw clench. He could feel bits of sand cracking between his teeth, and he spat over the railing before wiping at his mouth with his sleeve. The grittiness remained, and he had to resist another urge to go home.

From his position on the balcony, he could still here muffled music coming from the reception hall. He wasn’t sure how much longer the party would last, or if Gaara would have to stay to clean up afterwards. Waiting around for him to leave didn’t seem very practical either, but Naruto didn’t want to go back and fall asleep, wasting what little time they might have together.

They had both known from the beginning of their relationship that quality time would be hard to come by, which made any chance of it all the more precious. Even if Naruto could perfect the altered Hiraishin jutsu that Karin had been researching for quicker medical responses, both he and Gaara were constantly taking on more responsibilities for their respective villages. In no way did Naruto resent their busy schedules, but he would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the situation frustrated him sometimes.

He didn’t know how long he spent sifting through his thoughts, but he could remember every detail of his surroundings once he noticed the familiar presence at his back. The moon was at three quarters and low in the sky, just barely glancing between the sloped roofs of Suna’s architecture. The wind was at a dead stop like it had abruptly switched off, and the lack of its unhurried shushing made the dull thrum of the music that much more apparent. Gaara’s shadow over his shoulder felt like it carried its own weight.

Naruto turned to meet his lover with wide eyes, and instantly all of his previous vexations were erased.

“Gaara!”

Gaara swept towards him like it was the only way he could go, like the needle of a compass pointing north. He pressed himself against Naruto’s body, tying them together with his arms around the Leaf ninja’s waist. His body was warmer than usual and tense from the day he must have had. Naruto could sense Gaara consciously trying to disengage his overwrought muscles. With every passing moment, Naruto felt like Gaara melted that much more into him.

Sometimes after a particularly brutal day, Gaara couldn’t bear to say another word. Luckily for Naruto, Gaara had no problem listening at these times ( _really_ luckily, since there were plenty of occasions where Naruto couldn’t shut himself up even if he wanted to). There were even instances where listening to Naruto go on and on about some random topic seemed to take his mind off things and soothe him. Naruto guessed this might be one of those times.

He brushed a hand over Gaara’s smoothed down hair, his bandaged palm coming to rest at the back of Gaara’s neck. His skin was rough, still coated with sand armor, though it began to ripple under his touch. With his other hand, he cupped Gaara’s jaw, tracing his thumb over the coarse yet pliant texture. It wasn’t long before he felt Gaara’s soft skin hot against his.

“The reception was really great. I know you helped a lot with the planning, and it’s obvious that all of that effort didn’t go to waste! Temari-neechan looked like she was having the time of her life, and even Shikamaru ‘I’m too serious for my own good and can’t be bothered with fun’ looked happy. And I know the guests were amazed by everything as well. I can’t tell if Ino cried more because of her teammate getting married or because of all of the awesome flower arrangements. And Chouji really went all out with—”

“Naruto.”

The Leaf ninja quieted.

“Would you dance with me?”

“Y-yeah! Of course!” Despite his enthusiasm, Naruto swallowed a bundle of nerves. He could get away with bobbing to the beat of a fast song, but he didn’t know what to do for a slow song. He wished he’d payed more attention earlier when he’d seen Sai and Ino dancing together.

But Gaara seemed prepared to teach. He rearranged their arms, one hand clasping Naruto’s and the other resting high on the back of his ribs. Naruto’s free hand somehow found its way to Gaara’s shoulder.

“It’s three steps. Back-side-together, then front-side-together.”

Even though Naruto knew that Gaara had an endless wealth of patience for him, he still felt little fretful jitters every time he stepped on Gaara’s foot or stepped backwards when he should have stepped forwards. Gaara’s opinion of Naruto wouldn’t change because of something as trivial as his dancing skills, but Naruto’s desire to impress his boyfriend was as intense as it was high-strung. Out of everything else in his life, only Gaara had the privilege to make Uzumaki Naruto feel nervous.

As Gaara spirited him around the balcony, Naruto wondered when and why Gaara had learned to dance like this. _Was this some weird requirement every Kage had to master? Did Temari-neechan make Gaara take dancing lessons solely in preparation for her wedding? Did Gaara have a secret passion for dance that had never come up in conversation before???_

Naruto puzzled over the possibilities, which certainly didn’t help his footwork. Halfway through the next song, Gaara brought them to a gentle stop on the far side of the balcony, nearer to the domed outer wall of the building. He burrowed closer into Naruto, allowing his head fall on the Leaf ninja’s shoulder, and letting more of the tightness in his body bleed away into the night. He murmured something into Naruto’s neck, but against the muted sounds from the wedding and the pounding of Naruto’s heartbeat in his ears, the words went unheard.

“What’d you say?”

Gaara lifted his head to drill his eyes into Naruto’s, and then he was kissing the jinchuuriki, hard.

Naruto took all of the hardness and heat, the rough scrape of sandy lips, and the even sharper graze of teeth. He wanted to siphon every last bit of stress from the Sand shinobi’s body, drain every iota of tension, and draw out every burden. He wished he could take every last speck of pain away from his lover, until he was soft and loose in his arms, and then, yawning and sleepy, they could make their way home together.

In turn, Naruto was also nourishing himself. He’d gone all night starving for the presence of the man in his arms, and now he was getting his fill. Hunger burned from his insides out, and he met Gaara’s mouth and teeth and hands with equal ferocity. Everything that Gaara had to give, he wanted, until he was so consumed and burnt and lovesick that he couldn’t remember his own name.

He didn’t know when the music stopped. He didn’t know how many times Gaara softly whispered his name before he surfaced from his gluttonous haze. He searched Gaara’s face for what was troubling him. Another wave of longing seared its way from the pit of his stomach, traveled up his sternum, and lodged itself in his throat. It hurt to swallow.

“Gaara.” He had to break down everything that was keeping even the tiniest part of Gaara away from him, “What’s wrong?”

Slightly breathless, Gaara did not shy away from answering and got straight to the point. “I wish we could tell them. I wish we didn’t have to hide our relationship.”

Confusion threaded its way through the fire in Naruto’s core. It wasn’t that he didn’t already know the dim stain of that thought, ever-present in the back of his mind like a dye on his psyche. It wasn’t that he didn’t expect Gaara to be experiencing something similar. He just wasn’t sure, _why now_ , how had it come to this point of being so unbearable?

In an odd reversal of their usual roles, Naruto found himself trying to rationalize things.

“I know. You know I want that too, but you know why we can’t.”

Naruto tried to kiss Gaara again, but he had grown unresponsive. Panic extinguished the flames inside the Konoha nin, leaving him bathed in only the cold smoke of fear. Gaara was closing himself off, and that was maybe the worst outcome of all. Naruto gripped his lovers shoulders tightly, desperate not to let Gaara retreat inside himself.

“Gaara?!”

“Your eyes.” Gaara was frank, his voice bone-chillingly icy. “During the reception. I saw them. The same eyes I had once. The same eyes Sasuke had at the Five Kage Summit before the war.”

Naruto was usually good at thinking on his feet—and he _needed_ to now—he needed to fix this, somehow, but his feet were turning out to be just as lame as they had been at a simple three-step.

“It kills me to see you like that. How could I let this happen?” The tension left the Kazekage, but not in the way that Naruto had anticipated. The Suna shinobi hung limp in his grasp.

“It’s okay, Gaara, I—” His voice cracked, his throat was dry as kindling. “I just want you.”

_All of him. Always._

He pulled the Kazekage closer, as if to demonstrate this point.

Below them, the sounds of the last stragglers leaving the reception could be heard echoing down the empty roads.

“Let’s go home and go to bed. Okay? Alright…?”

Despite Gaara’s nod of affirmation, neither of them moved. They clung to each other, swathed in the comforting thick shadows obscured from moonlight, still as statues watching over the transition from late night to early morning. In time, the sun would rise and reveal everything that dared to bask in its rays to the rest of the world.

“I love you.” Naruto said.

“I love you,” was Gaara’s immediate reply.

A tension of the moment eased a little. They were both exhausted.

“We’ll tell them soon. I’ll start making plans. I’m sure Godaime and Rokudaime can give you advice,” Gaara promised. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked slowly, his eyes heavy with sleep. Naruto found it oddly comforting.

“Soon,” Naruto agreed.

A specific time frame was unnecessary. He planned to spend the rest of his life with Gaara.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> No idea where this idea came from, since I can’t even remember the last wedding I was at. I think I was a toddler or something.
> 
> Anyway in Japan, sometimes people have a Shinto wedding ceremony and then a Western wedding reception. One of my professors in college said, “In Japan, you have a Shinto birthday, a Christian Wedding, and a Buddhist funeral.” I don’t know how true that is, statistically or anything, but yeah. Figured I’d mention it.  
> Okay, I’m getting off topic. So at the reception, the bride will change dresses two to three times, sometimes four (different colors and styles, from kimono to a western wedding dress, etc.). That’s what I was referencing in the beginning, with Temari coming out in a different dress, in case anyone was confused. Or intrigued. Or neither, but now you know. If you didn’t already. 
> 
> Also, when I was almost done writing this, I realized how perfect the song Love-Mad Expression (Aijou Kyougen) is for this fic. It’s a Len Kagamine song, so if you’re into Vocaloid (or if like me, you were obsessed with it in high school), then you should totally check it out. It was one of my favorite songs.
> 
> Alcohol not affecting Naruto is a concept inspired by that really sad scene in Captain America: The First Avenger. You know the one.
> 
> One of these days, I’ll finish that Karin/Sakura fic.
> 
> ~~  
> Black Lives Matter.   
> None of us are free until all of us are free.   
> All power to all the people.


End file.
